“God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?”
Numbers 23:19 NLT
Truly truly I must say I battled to write this. A few days of really chewing on this before sitting and sharing, my prayer is that as you read this it bring total understanding and healing as well as restoration to any and all things you may be facing on your spiritual journey.
I have been in ministry for about 11 years faithfully, wholeheartedly better said. I have seen and encountered so much in such little time. I have witnessed people come into my life and say I love you, I’m here for you, count on me, I will be praying and so on and so on. In time things begin to change. The real you and me is eventually revealed.
Here is where the battle begins!
HERE COME THE QUESTIONS:
- Is it me?
- Is it them?
- Who is it?
- What am I doing wrong?
- What are they doing wrong?
- Why are you allowing me to feel this way Lord?
- Why am I seeing this ?
- Why am I hearing this?
- Maybe I’m just not capable
- Maybe I’m just not prepared
- Maybe I’m just not valuable
Why is it that so many that I encounter are there for me in the beginning but then shortly after I begin to see the real thing… Why? I need answers! This is hurting me, this is affecting me. It’s not possible not this man of God or this women of God. No, no way they are so powerful on the altar. The way they preach, the things they say! When they minister man so powerful! I can trust them yes for sure I can! I will open up to them, there going to be there for me no matter what. They say they Love me, they say they care for me, whatever I need they will be there for me!
The moment of silence comes I’m being drawn in by God to that secret place where He begins to show me and reveal to me and I begin to understand so I then begin to share and all of a sudden because I tapped into what God was doing and saying in there eyes I have become different. They begin to draw back, caution has entered the space. Now it’s no longer as it was before…. Days pass and soon I become no one! No one to love, no one to care for, no one to pray for… just no one!
These are scars that many are carrying right now and God is saying Janelle you need to release this!
REVELATION LEADS TO RESPONSE
If you know better you do better!!
It is my responsibility to teach people to look and depend only on Jesus! For too long we sit and depend on man. We are drawn into the eloquence of there Words and persuasion of what may work for their ministry. In fact it’s a place of manipulation. You become important to their personal ego and drive to their power, their throne, their Kingdom, their network, their tribe, their Circle. You become there “Spiritual child” when you do what they want.
What about when your not doing what they want but what God is asking! The moment you take yourself into intimacy with God and He begins to reveal and you begin to release the truth comes to the surface your being set free and realize it was all a superficial thing. It was never deep. You all of a sudden don’t even exist any longer!
Do you know why you go thru this?
God is trying to let you know there is No one, Not one that goes before Him!!! Get it! Yes, we all need someone to give us an extra push. No one was intended to be alone however, today a person can be all in for you just as tomorrow they may not!
Who are you depending on? In what mirror are you looking into daily! The only mirror image that is truly faithful, that will never leave you nor forsaken you, that will walk with you in The Valley of the Shadow Of death, that meets you in the dry desolate place is the Bible.
I have learned with all my scars and pain that truly my Hope, Trust must be placed in God.
In the midst of loosing it all… where are the ones that said I got you, whatever you need. I’m praying for.. you can count on me!
We must understand this one thing… we need to be fixed on Jesus!
Don’t get this twisted we all must honor the man or women God places before us and learn to submit as this is only possible when we have learned to nourish and grow in our relationship with our One true Father, however, we can not Depend on them. We must learn to have our own intimacy, prayer life, consecrated life with Jesus!
Better said… He won’t have it any other way!! He will begin to reveal things that truly hurt so that you don’t make that same mistake. You must learn that the Kingdom of God is not about you and it never was. Once you accepted Jesus into your heart you where agreeing to die to self and become selfless for His will to be done, Not your will.
Can you say today my scars are a sign of Hope for someone….
Can you say today I won’t do what has been done to me…. no I won’t!
Not everyone is the same, there are genuine people waiting to embrace you, truly love you and show you the way. I’m sharing because I have learned if “I know better I must do better”
I have made my share of mistakes in ministry for sure I can’t even deny it but one thing I can say for sure I have learned the hard way! At times those we are discipling feel that we share a tough love, and yes we do! It’s not about us it’s all about Him. You can’t walk in my prayer life and not have your very own prayer life and think for a moment that you are going to grow fruitful. No sorry to break the bad news but it does not work that way!
In my most painful moments my only comforter has been Jesus! There is no other place to run to… it’s Jesus and only Jesus!
The point here is that you not have an attitude of “Oh I don’t trust no one” no incorrect attitude what you want to take from this is that you learn to truly be genuine with people. If you say your going to be there… then be there! Let your yes be yes and your no be no! Integrity!!!! We as Kingdom Builders need to establish this now before causing any more damage. To many people out there hurting. We must be mindful, genuine, compassionate, loving, caring and most of all educating by leading them to encounter more of Jesus!
To wrap this up…. your going through it or went through for a reason! If you know better you must do better! Your not alone! Your scars will remind you that He is wanting every bit of you! Just think about the scars Jesus took on for each one of us!!
At His Service 24/7
Loving God Loving People